It all began 3 weeks ago, while on a chat with a friend on messenger who’s like the mermaid of the Maldivian Seas. She’s been diving in Maldives for the last 8 years or more and that’s about how long we’ve known each other. But that’s not the story. The story is, she invited me to spend a week with her on this luxury floating resort called Scubaspa, where we could scuba dive, follow some dive courses, write and finally relax. Isn’t that a spectacular thing and isn’t she a sweetheart? I’ve been stuck at home in this 5.6sqkm island city for months. Thanks, Covid-19. A tragedy, a pain, a reality we’ve all been forced to live in. So, it was a much-needed break for me.
I quickly affirmed that I would be joining and the following day I packed up my gear including my little ukulele and crossed the bridge to Hulhumale, a nearby island city. I sat by the jetty awaiting sunset. I left a bit early so I could watch and form cloud formations in the setting sky. Just as the light was taken away, I saw my friend nearing the jetty on a dinghy. Smiles were exchanged and we were off to Scubapa, the floating resort.
The boat isn’t operating since the country is closed due to Covid-19. Hence, she’s been teaching diving to all the crew members. Isn’t she a sweet thing? She’s a master instructor. Soon we reached the yacht and got my orientation of the boat, stored the luggage at my cabin, refreshed a little and came out to the bar area of the boat. We spent all night long chatting. We played darts too. It was a lovely night and we went to bed after watching the sunrise. Sunrises and sunsets are beautiful in the Maldives. Scubaspa Ying and Yang (identical boats) are the only two boats in Maldives where each and every crew member is a diver and specialized with Emergency first Response. Isn’t that an achievement?
It was a long night and I overslept through the day and I was up at 6:30 pm. What a long deep sleep and terribly knackered. So, I stayed up the night to get back my routine in place as it’s very important to me being Bipolar and OCD. A slight mess up change’s things drastically.
However, my anxiety developed to the point where I was trembling. Remember the plan was to dive, follow some dive courses, write and relax. It wasn’t relaxing for me. I was anxious, nervous of the fear that came along with the sea. You see what happened 12 years ago when I was first diagnosed with bipolar, I wasn’t the most accepting and believing sort of person. I had a full-blown mania refusing to take the pills and ended my life in a chaotic mess. So, when I did start taking pills, I developed tremors to point where I couldn’t lift a glass of water to have sip. Some medications didn’t suite me and it was unknown. This fear of helplessness made me afraid of the sea knowing the fact that I’m not physically capable to handling an emergency. The tremors disappeared after switching medicines 4 years later.
I did my open water diving about 17 years ago. I never really dived since then, I lived in the jungles. I’m more of a jungle boy. I started with the refreshers course here on the boat. I brushed up the knowledge reviews and went for two training dives. However, the anxiety had the command over me, and it wasn’t the most pleasing experience. With an anxiety so high I thought I’ll just give myself a break and relax. And that’s exactly what I did for the week.
A week passed and it was time for me to head back home. I was dropped back to Hulhumale Jetty where I had my motor bike parked at a nearby parking lot. I was disappointed that I couldn’t perform to the best of my ability.
Upon reaching home, the anxiety slowly disappeared. However, I was again offered to come back and do the dives and the courses. I was determined and needed to get out of this fear bubble, so I took it as a challenge to never miss a dive. And then I pledged my mind that I’m going to suck up the anxiety, learn, and hit the seas whenever possible. This slight change of mindset did me wonders. I was more eager to dive, I wasn’t hesitant, I was always up for a dive, I was reading about diving and caught up fast.
So, I went back to the boat with a different mindset. Hydrating myself, sleeping early, got all my meds in place and went for each and every dive. It didn’t matter if I screwed up, I’m still learning, I trusted the instructors, my buddy and the equipment. After about just 5 dives it was time for me to say goodbye to anxiety which had a control over me earlier. It worked. The fear vanished and I just got better and better with every dive. It was just me, the ocean, and the aquatic life.
I’m not a mindful person and I lack the patience for it. But diving is therapeutic where I’m just focusing on my breath and observing the pretty coral gardens and the aquatic life.
For now, I have completed my Enriched Air Diver Course (Nitrox), Padi Advanced Water Diver Course and now I’m in the middle of Emergency First Response and Rescue Program. I am determined to be a Dive Master.
What I realized was, it is indeed a challenge to many of us having Bipolar and OCD, to begin and maintain consistency and it is hard. But with a little bit of courage, determination, a simple self-plan that works for you to be in control of the thoughts can go a long way. The barrier between failure and achievement is you. And crossing that barrier is so fulfilling and rewarding.
I remember a dive master asking me what my objective were on our way to a dive. I replied, to become confident again. And now three weeks have passed. I have achieved that, and I can call myself a scuba diver.
We might have limitations within us. Those limitations are often created within our mind and unrealistic. Sometimes we need to give it some light to think over the causes and refine until you get in control. That’s what I did and that worked.
So common guys and girls, we can overcome anything that our mind and heart desires.
Let’s dive. It’s a mantra and a therapy of its own.
So, thank you Ms. Mermaid of the Maldivian Seas to offer me this opportunity which not only gave me a break from Covid-19 entrapment but also enabling me to overcome a fear that lingered for years.
